It really makes for some harrowing reading...
Summer 2014 - 10 signings
- Neil Alexander - two seasons as number one, unceremoniously binned after having a contract offer withdrawn.
- Scott Gallacher - back up keeper. No more, no less. Didn't last long either.
- Alim Ozturk - talked up by Levein as one of the players that fit the model of having potential and could be sold of for decent cash. Lasted two and a half years before Cathro let him go.
- Adam Eckersley - first of many a left back signed during this regime. Competent enough for the first division, binned after promotion after he sang a naughty song in the Tynie Arms.
- Morgaro Gomis - a class act in the first division. Struggled a wee bit when we came back up. Disgracefully treated after his father died. Binned half way through his second season and sent on loan to Motherwell before being permanently let go.
- Miguel Pallardo - looked ok in the first division. Well out his depth when we came up. Let go at the end of his second season.
- El Hassnaoiu - similar to Ozturk, talked up massively by those in charge. A total sick note who contributed little and binned at the end of his second season, rightfully so.
- Prince Bauben - good partnership with Gomis in the first division, struggled in the top flight and should have been replaced much sooner. Managed to hang on for longer than he should have. Binned in summer 2018 making him one of the longest serving players in this time.
- James Keatings - did the job in the first division. Allowed to leave after one season so we could sign Gavin Reilly. Hibs cunt as well.
- Osman Sow - the biggest success story. Did well, scored a few and managed to get a good fee. 18 months here in total.
January 2015 - two signings
- Genaro Zeefuik - a good loan signing at a time when we had loads of injuries. Did the business for six months.
- Kenny Anderson - incredibly we spent money of him. A goal on his debut was as good as it got, all downhill from there. Lasted a year and left in January 2016.
Summer 2015 - seven signings
- Blazej Augustyn - competent no frills centre back. Emptied at the end of his first season.
- Igor Rossi - a good centre back and slotted in well at left back too, another of the few we've made any money on. Sold in January 2017.
- Juwon Oshaniwa - a disaster from the start. Much heralded, over hyped diddy. Managed to stay for two seasons despite not playing a single minute of his second season.
- Arnaud Djoum - looked the part after he first signed. Good first season, an imposter for the remainder of his time here touting himself away at every opportunity. The longest serving player under Levein/Budge, left in the summer of 2019 on a free.
- Juanma - a relative success and prolific forward by our meek standards. 15 goals in his first season before getting frozen out and let go after just one season.
- Gavin Reilly - 100k spunked to get a player that everyone knew wouldn't cut it. First season was a non-event, second season spent on loan at Dunfermline and then finally let go after the end of the second season.
- Danny Swanson - fat Hibs cunt. Should never have been anywhere near our club. Lasted a mere five months before being allowed to fuck off for free to St Johnstone.
January 2016 - four signings
- John Souttar - a real success. Currently the longest serving player after Djoum's departure.
- Perry Kitchen - a genuine fraud. Given the captaincy purely for a marketing stand point and to sell cheap tat. Let go in summer 2017.
- Don Cowie - Christ almighty... the player that single handedly lower the expectattions of the fans and club. The quintessential definition of a Budge era player. Let go summer 2018.
- Abiola Dauda - loan signing to replace Sow after he was sold in the same window. Meant to be as good as Sow, if not better. He wasn't.
Summer 2016 - seven signings
- Viktor Noring - a back up keeper. Must be shite if you play second fiddle to Jack Hamilton during your time here. Managed to hang on until summer 2018.
- Faycal Rherras - another one of the many great left backs we've had in this time. Lasted a year before being let go. Turned out he was also a Hibs cunt.
- Krystian Nowak - a forgettable centre half who rarely played. Score a goal when we papped Rangers 4-1.
- Bjorn Johnsen - didn't quite hit the heights expected. Mainly remembered for supposedly getting decked by Cathro. Seems to have been a bit of a success since he left back in Holland. Last one season and let go for nothing.
- Conor Sammon - Looked hard as fuck, played soft as fuck. As soon as he was booed during his man of the match announcement it was never going to end well. Signed on a three year deal, spent 30 of those 36 months on loan before finally leaving in summer 2019.
- Tony Watt - tim arsehole. Scored one goal in his entire time here. Signed on loan, sent back by January.
- Robbie Muirhead - signed on a one year deal, sold by January to MK Dons. Bagged a brace against Rangers but not much else.
January 2017 - nine signings
- Andraz Struna - The first of many horrendous signings during this window. A shite right back who didn't last long, gone at the end of the season.
- Lennard Sowah - a shite left back this time (another one for that matter). I think everyone knew straight away he'd be garbage given his previous pedigree. Also lasted until the end of the season.
- Aaron Hughes - Looked good on paper, a couple of decent performances but well past his best by the time he came to us. Basically saw out the end of his career with us in the weird player/mentor role. Retired here in summer 2019.
- Tasos Avlonitis - time for a shite centre back now. Did nothing of note. Also let go at the end of the season.
- Alexandros Tziolis - came with a good pedigree, high expectations and much hype. He was a fraud. Used us to keep himself fit until the end of the season before heading off for a big pay day in Saudi Arabia.
- Malauray Martin - Oh boy. Former France youth player, his only highlight was scoring a penalty against Raith Rovers in a cup replay which somehow made its way into a piece of tat in the club shop. Choose to Winston Bogarde his time here collecting a wage without paying before being let go in summer 2019 finally.
- Choulay - a winger signed on loan from Stoke. A non-entity that was gone at the end of the season.
- Dylan Bikey - Signed purely to get one over Hibs. Gone at the end of the season.
- Isma Goncalves - Probably the only player we spent money on that was a success. A 1 in 3 ratio makes him one of the most successful forwards in recent times. Was sold a year later in January 2018 for a fee.
Summer 2017 - 10 signings
- Jon McLaughlin - A great keeper who set the record for most minutes without conceding a goal. Only had him for a year.
- Christophe Berra - A great captain and solid as a rock but starting to look his age.
- Michael Smith - One of the the success stories we've had in this era. Solid if unspectacular, he's constantly reliable.
- Connor Randall - A loan signing from Liverpool, a real nothing player. Was he a right back? Was he a centre mid? Who knows and who cares. Didn't return after his loan spell.
- Rafal Grzelak - Never seen a football in his life. Let go after six months.
- Ashley Smith-Brown - A left back on loan from Man City. Played about two games, constantly injured and sent back to them after six months.
- David Milinkovic - Another loan signing. A tricky winger who despite receiving the Levein treatment constantly worked his way back into the side. Didn't get played often enough. Scored two in the 4-0 hammering of Celtic. Only got one season from him as the club failed to sign him permanently.
- Ross Callachan - Signed on Gary Locke's recommendation from Raith Rovers. Scored a couple of goals in his first few games and managed to kid on he was a good player. Ultimately turned out to be rubbish. Best remembered for making a cunt of it at Motherwell in the cup.
- Kyle Lafferty - Scored the most goals by any striker for the club since Robbo. Sold for pennies to Rangers the following summer.
- Cole Stockton - What can you say about this guy? The club dipped into the English lower leagues to find a player with taalent who could score goals. We got this guy. Lasted six months, scored no goals. Best remembered for blacking up at the club Christmas party and his bird moaning about Edinburgh on twitter.
January 2018 - four signings
- Demetri Mitchell - A left back/winger signed from Man Utd on loan. Impressed during his initial six month stint.
- Joaquim Adao - Another loan signing, this time from Sion in Switzerland. A central midfielder best remembered for getting booked nearly every match he played.
- Danny Amankwaa - Holy shit. Another signed with much fan fare. Supposedly fast as fuck prior to a horrific cruciate injury. Nobody bothered to check if he'd actually regained his alleged lightning place after injury. Or if he had any ability. Eventually let go a year later in January 2019.
- Steven Naismith - The third loan signing of the window. Took a while to get going but was a success. Scored the winner against Hibs.
Summer 2018 - 17 signings
- Zdenek Zlamal - Signed as a number two but somehow became the number one. Is proving to be a real liability.
- Colin Doyle - Also signed as a back up and is still currently a back up. Highlights so far include spilling a late winner at Motherwell and telling the press how much he can't wait to play at Park Head.
- Ben Garuccio - The start of the Australian influx. Another in the long line of left backs. A bit of a meh player, currently out with a long gterm injury.
- Demetri Mitchell - Signed from Man Utd again on loan on the back of his previous loan success. Failed to live up to the standards previously set. Got a bad injury and sent back to Utd.
- Clevid Dikamona - Jumbo Soldier. A squad player at best, starting to look out his depth.
- Jimmy Dunne - A class act. Signed on loan from Burnley, recalled early by them in January 2019. Bring him back please.
- Peter Haring - A centre back who became the best midfielder at the club currently. One of the few positives at the club right now.
- Olly Lee - Started out well and form dipped when the rot of the team as a whole set in around November time. On the verge of leaving but forever remembered for scoring a winner against Hibs at Easter Road and a decent chant.
- Oliver Bozanic - An Aussie jobber, just makes up the numbers.
- Sean Clare - Another example of how we don't spend cash well. Supposedly beat off English Premiership clubs (ha!) for his signature. Still don't know if he's a footballer, never mind his preferred position.
- Jake Mulraney - Signed as a "project" player. The only player that with any pace in the squad. Has improved dramatically but is no world beater.
- Bobby Burns - Signed as one for the future and immediately sent out on loan to Livingston. Recalled in January and then rarely used. Up in the air right no as to what he plans with him are.
- Ryan Edwards - The bizarre one. Signed and immediately loaned to St Mirren. Brought back in January 2019, never used until around April and immediately thrown into the derby for his debut. Somehow started and scored in the cup final. Then let go in the summer to Burton for free.
- Steven Naismith - Signed on loan once more, this time for the full season. Missed half of it and was still our best player and top scorer.
- Steven MacLean - Supposedly a back up striker, has played far more often than he should. Another so called "mentor" to the youngsters.
- Craig Wighton - Oh look, another example of cash being spunked. He's yet to score a goal.
- Uche Ikpeazu - Looked good to begin with, he's been rumbled by opposition defences. Falls down constantly, he's just a big battering ram.
January 2019 - three signings
- Conor Shaughnessy - Brought in on loan from Leeds to replace Jimmy Dunne. He was woeful. Option to sign him not taken up thankfully.
- Aidy White - Hasn't played in two years, serious injury and fitness concerns. A typical bizarre Levein signing. Finally made his debut (first competitive game in 32 months at the weekend).
- David Vanecek - The bizarre signings continue. Brought in to much fan fare, supposedly unfit, given a public humiliation by Levein. Let go in the summer after six months and barely featuring.
Summer 2019 - six signings
- Connor Washington - Big lad. Still hasn't scored. Time will tell.
- Jamie Walker - If in doubt go and sign an ex-player/fans favourite. Questions over attitude and fitness are a big concern.
- Craig Halkett - The pick of the bunch. Looks good and composed. Can only get better.
- Steven Naismith - Finally signed on for a third time, on a permanent four year deal this time around. Also has concerns over fitness as hasn't played a full 90 minutes since February but is quite obviously still our best player.
- Louic Damour - Only played on game so far, hard to judge.
- Joel Pereira - A year long loan from Man Utd. Looks good on paper, most likely to become our number one. Surely not worse than the current two options.
I might have missed some but by my reckoning I make that 79 signings in total. SEVENTY NINE. All signed/loaned in the space of five years. I know I've mentioned the likes of Naismith and Mitchell more than once but in my opinion they count as separate signings. There is absolutely no way that is a sustainable model to follow. How had Budge or anyone else on the board never pulled him up about the amount of money we've completely spunked on total horse shit? She ultimately signs off on it all. At what stage does she or anyone else in authority ask where the return or value for money is?
What's quite interesting and obvious to anyone who follows us is how little the length of time players are here. So many (particularly the Cathro era players) are here for a mere six months and binned. So many others are given 12-18 months and allowed to leave for nothing. The longest serving player currently is John Souttar with just over 3.5 years service. The longest serving players during these five years have been:
Djoum - four years
Souttar - 3.5 years
Cowie - 2.5 years
Berra/Smith - 2 years
There is no continuity whatsoever. Summer 2017, just two years ago, saw us bring in 10 players and only Smith and Berra are still here from then. We're just signing rafts of players each year and hoping a handful of them will be good. Them plus Souttar mean only three players (all defenders) have been at the club for two or more years. There is no chance for players to settle here and make a connection with the club. No chance for the fans to make a connection with the players or give a fuck about them. They are out the door before that can happen and whilst the decision to bin almost all of them is justified, we shouldn't be employing a signing model of flinging as much mud to the wall as possible and hoping some of it sticks.
We don't get any fees for these players. Levein's whole mantra when he first came in was about brining in players that could play for us, do well and make us some dosh. The moneyball approach of bringing in players, improving (lol) them and moving them on for cash has been a disaster. Out of these 79 signed, only Sow, Rossi and Goncalves have been moved on for cash. And the Sow move was only because some Chinese mob were mad enough to drop £1m+ on him. You'd be lucky if we've got a combined total of £1.5m for all the players we've sold on.
No continuity, no foundations to build on. Just sign a new team every single summer. At the time of writing we've signed six players this summer and will probably get at least one or two more before the end of August. It can't go on.
Budge talks about the football "department" - this is the grim reality of it. Bin the fucking current set up... manager, coaches, scouts, the lot and just start again. Because who or whatever is in charge at this moment is not working at all.